8-15-22<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A friend and neighbor of mine, Gary Mueller, died this week. He was in his 80s \u2013 a sweet, enthusiastic, generous white-haired gentleman of my church who became a buddy when I was a newcomer. We shared a hundred coffees in McDonald’s; we shuffled around farmer\u2019s markets together; we talked religion and politics (agreeing, happily); I have laughed endlessly with his wife Edith; and I met his grandson Matt from Texas. We worked grills at many VBS days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But mostly (in my memory, now) Gary loved Jesus. And it showed: he \u201creflected\u201d the Savior. Gerhard was born in Jaegerndorf in central Europe; his German family had been separated and passed through West German towns, escaping Communism, working as they could; then to the United States. He met Edith, who had a similar life-path, and they were grateful to God and to America for the freedoms wherewith they were blessed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gary was always hale and healthy, on his jobs and especially, after retirement, in our church \u2013 anything that needed doing, it seemed that Gary was there before pros were called. But he got sick recently, and had a cancerous kidney removed. My late wife had a kidney transplant, so my prayers were focused (not that God requires the use of medical terms and medicines). As I understand it, he returned home somewhat uncomfortable and requested a follow-up. Cancerous tumors were found elsewhere through his body. All so quickly, Gary died.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It might seem odd that my grieving over Gary\u2019s death brought me to think about selfishness, but please stick with me \u2013 and be merciful to me, as I have asked of God. I honor Gary; I grieve for Edith; I am grateful for our friendship. In fact, a week ago I wanted to hand-write a letter to Gary telling him (reminding him) of how I loved him, and what he has meant to me as a friend. But I never got around to writing that, much less mailing it (e-mails pretend to be personal, but never will be).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have book deadlines. I had meetings. Yada yada, I had \u201cthings to do.\u201d Hours turn into days; days turn into weeks; weeks\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When you are too busy to write a friend, or call; when you are too busy to connect with a friend, or to re-connect with an old friend; when you are too busy to \u201cjust say Hi\u201d; when you are too busy to say you appreciate someone, or share a Jesus-moment, or ask \u201cHow are you?\u201d and really mean it\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026 you are TOO busy.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n But this is not about scolding myself or anyone. Gary is gone, and maybe he never would have seen that note anyway. I was not trying to impress Edi. No, I found myself consumed about MY thoughts, MY regrets, MY tardiness. And eventually, MY grief, MY loss that I will feel. I realized I was being selfish. \u201cWhy are MY feelings so important?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n As I prayed for wisdom, I realized how strange grief and mourning are \u2013 when our loved ones are in the arms of Jesus, healed and glorified. Isn\u2019t our grief, somehow, actually a bit of mourning for ourselves? How we will miss the husband, the grandfather, the friend?<\/p>\n\n\n\n And if so\u2026 is that bad?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Self. This life is not a dichotomy of self<\/em> versus the rest of humanity<\/em>. Not “either\/or.” Not us<\/em> and everyone else. God wants His children to be thinking of us AND<\/em> everyone else. <\/em>When Jesus went to the cross it was for all of humanity; all of the sins of \u201cwhosoever.\u201d He looked into your eyes and mine. We as individuals were as important to Him as\u2026 all the other individuals! We should not feel guilty about our feelings, hurts, regrets in that view, because Jesus did not lay that on us. We must bear each other\u2019s burdens, as He bore ours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I am not talking about sins of omission. I am talking about a proper discernment of what God would have us do. That is, to DO — not obsess over what was missed. \u201cLook out for Number One\u201d? If we are effective ambassadors of Christ, we cannot drag baggage around on our missions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We can be faithful stewards if we serve God by serving others. And rely on the Bible, not Rules of Etiquette. I am talking about being bold for Christ who lives within you.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Think ahead and imagine the end of your<\/em> life, without being morbid of course. I mean \u2013 do not let yourself be in a position <\/em>where you had been too busy to to write a friend, or call; or you were too busy to connect with a friend, or re-connect with an old friend; or when you were too busy to \u201cjust say Hi\u201d; when you were too busy to have said that you appreciate someone, or shared a Jesus-moment, or had asked \u201cHow are you?\u201d and really meant it\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n